Hands On Learning
by peroxidepest17
Summary: Kon attempts to explore the inner workings of true humanity.


**Title:** Hands-On Learning  
**Author:** Celeste  
**Rating:** R. Oh, R. I think this is beginning to be a pattern. O.o  
**Theme:** Body and Mind Exploration  
**Pairing:** Sort of sort of KonxIchigo (that's right, Kon's name is first. WUT!)  
**Time:** approx 2 hrs (no edits)  
**Word Count:** 2,485 (woah momma!)  
**Summary:** Kon attempts to explore the inner workings of true humanity.  
**Dedication:** To JaB. Because she drew fanart for my gay car porn. Which means I'm not sick. Well, not by _myself_ in any case. XD  
**A/N:** Only read the first 3 Volumes of Bleach, AGES ago…so I could be wrong about EVERYTHING. Maybe. Plus you know, this is the first fic I've ever written for the series, so…yeah. Soooo OOC. And there were probably a lot of schematics that I got wrong, but I'm selfish and served my own purposes, so there. --;; Enough excuses. Onward!  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine. --;; I realllly want that Kon plushie I saw at Frank and Son's today though.  
**Distribution:** Just lemme know?

* * *

Ichigo twitched, one side of his nose ticking upwards while the other remained stationary, a sort of ridiculously-cute kind of gesture that a shinigami with a sword the size of _someone's mother_ should never have been seen doing.

Luckily, Rukia was in total "hunt the darkness which mankind cannot see but which will eat mankind because it can" mode. Which meant she was re-reading her spirit phone for the billionth time and memorizing (again) the orders they'd received fifteen minutes ago about a possible Hollow sighting in this area.

Ichigo was thankful to get out of the Literature test he'd had today and whatnot, but he wasn't too keen on the fact that they'd left Kon in the care of his body (and possibly his academic future) in his stead.

"Oi, Rukia… is this Hollow going to show up any time soon?" he pushed, using the edge of one sleeve to wipe unceremoniously at his twitchy nose (Rukia might've said something about how unfitting of his station that was, but what the hell were such big ass sleeves for then, _anyway_?).

"Just be patient, Ichigo. The orders said it would be here."

He snorted in her general direction, but she didn't pay him any more attention (because she was no fun when she was working). He was tempted to use the tip of his zanpakutou to clean his ear just to spite her.

"Maybe it decided it wasn't hungry," he offered, shouldering the blade instead. He used his free hand to pick his ear.

This time the former shinigami made the effort to look up at him, though on seeing it, he kind of wished she hadn't, because her expression made him kind of want to smack her or something.

"Che, just a thought," he shot back moodily.

"This Hollow shouldn't take long, if you're not completely idiotic and reckless. Why are you so anxious to get back anyway?" she posed, looking at him with an air of suspicion.

He shrugged one shoulder. "Eh, no reason. Just got a bad feeling, 's all."

"About what?"

He snorted internally at suddenly having Rukia's undivided attention. At least she trusted his instincts (even if she pretended to be a bitch about it sometimes). "'S nothing," he assured her casually. "Just worried about what Kon's doing."

She waved him off. "He's probably more prepared for the test than you were."

Ichigo bristled. "Fucking… that's not what I was worried about!"

"Che. Then what?"

"Nevermind. I just had a weird feeling, is all."

Rukia stood up. "Well ignore it."

"Whaddya mean _ignore_ it? You were the one askin' me all ab…"

"The Hollow's here."

"Oh."

* * *

Kon sighed and stretched his (Ichigo's) legs, staring up at the sky in utter boredom, having long ago given up on trying to count the birds or see shapes in the clouds. 

Humans had such _boring_ lives. At least, human teenagers did. Being confined in a little room all day and made to read stuff?

He was tempted to just leave the school completely in search of more interesting things, but after having walked out in the middle of Ichigo's test (the subject matter was absolute _torture_ on Kon's mind, especially with all those _girls_ present), he didn't think Ichigo would appreciate having to hunt him down around town _again_. Plus Rukia might get pissed and not let him out of the backpack again, like, _ever_.

After the rather harrowing experience in the outside world he'd had when he'd run away, he didn't think getting his hosts in the mood to toss him out of the house (or even the orange-headed barbarian's room) would be a good idea.

So yeah, he'd ditched class, but what he was doing now wasn't much better than what he had been doing then, even if it was a lot less stressful. He shifted slightly on his back to scratch an itch that had developed between his shoulder blades and thought to himself that this human body was a load of crap too. Well, it might have been a way of telling himself he didn't want one (not really anyway).

Sure, he'd enjoyed it when he'd first test driven it (so to speak), running around town, jumping, leaping, dashing wherever he pleased. He wouldn't mind doing it again if you asked him, but he knew now that there was a huge strain placed on the actual muscles he was in control of, and that if Ichigo got back a body that couldn't walk normally for a few days, the hot-head would be downright _violent_ and use Kon's poor abused stuffed animal form as an outlet for his juvenile rage.

Che. Ichigo was such an _ass_.

He certainly wouldn't want _Ichigo's_ body if he were to have one, and at this point, he'd spent enough time being a plush to get kind of used to it. Kind of. Plus, the human body had so many weird…_sensations_. Kon frowned and scratched his head, felt the cool concrete of the roof under his back, heard the soft gurgling of his stomach and noticed the occasional drop of sweat rolling of his skin under the warmth of the mid-morning sunshine. Sometimes he itched, and after laying on his hands too long, they'd tingled, and he thought his nose had twitched without having been provoked a few seconds ago.

There was just so many strange feelings, now that he could sit down and think about nothing else. He hadn't noticed the first time or two, what with everything that had been going on, but now, he had nothing else to distract him from that.

He poked himself in the shoulder firmly and felt the slight shock it sent through his arms, signals from one nerve to another telling him what he was perceiving.

He pushed with a different degree of force and noted the slight difference in sensation. It was all the same when he was fighting, hiked up on the chemicals of action this body produced when he was in constant, natural (well, MOD natural) movement, but these subtleties were strange, and simultaneously alarming and fascinating.

So… _this_ was what his kind was created (and then destroyed) to protect? Che. He'd seen better.

He _definitely_ didn't need one of these. Ever.

Continuing his explorations, he sat up and lifted the front of his shirt to examine the skin there, the form and muscles and appearance that changed and rippled every time he moved. He touched the stomach, realized that it tickled there more than it did when he touched his arms, plunged an exploratory finger into the navel and decided that that particular orifice held no distinctive purpose as far as he could see.

It was kind of funny. Heh.

Having suddenly discovered a new source of amusement in this strange, large form, he continued to explore.

"Hmmmmm…"

* * *

"Che, that's it?" Ichigo snorted, eyeing the Hollow that had appeared moments earlier. He scratched at his nose absently. "Just looks like a big spider." 

"Then just kill it and let's get back to class," Rukia suggested, equally as unimpressed with the Hollow.

"Che. Work, work, and more work," Ichigo muttered darkly. Nevertheless, he swung his zanpakutou from its resting spot against his shoulders and took it in both hands, bending his knees and preparing for a straight on charge. This shouldn't take long.

The Hollow shrieked at its unnaturally aggressive target and wasted no time, lunging forward first, teeth gaping, mass of legs pumping up and down like the pistons of some bizarre car engine as it propelled itself forward.

Poised, Ichigo made to dodge left, swing around and sever the head one-handed in one easy action…

…but screamed in uncharacteristic alarm as his hips bucked forward and he fell to his knees.

He barely managed to roll aside before the Hollow trampled him underfoot.

"What the hell was that!" Rukia shouted, sounding more surprised (stupefied) than angry.

"I don't _know_!" he called back, alarmed to the point that he momentarily forgot about his opponent.

"Ichigo, watch out!"

He managed to swing his zanpakutou up just in time to keep from being run through by one of the needle-like forelimbs, but felt his legs wavering under him, a strange tingling sensation ghosting around the nether regions of his torso. "Gaaah!"

"What's _happening_!" Rukia demanded, looking frantically around for some way to help the idiot, who appeared, for god knew _why_, to be losing.

Finding a rather nice sized rock, she hefted it and tossed it hard at the Hollow's head in hopes of providing a distraction that would give Ichigo enough reprieve to get out from underneath it.

"Dumbass! What the hell did _that_ do?" he shouted at her, when the Hollow turned momentarily and hissed in annoyance but otherwise didn't budge from the crushing pressure it was attempting to shove Ichigo through the ground with.

"Well if the idiot with the _huge_ sword can't do anything about it what do you expect from me!" she shot back defensively, still looking for more rocks.

Ichigo snorted, resolved to ignore her sarcasm and concentrated instead on moving his arms, which he seemed to (thankfully) still have complete control of. He shoved upwards, straining his forearms, but managed to push the Hollow sideways slightly, giving him enough time to force himself into a roll that brought him under it. He brought his weapon around quickly and stabbed upwards, penetrating the grotesque rounded gut.

The Hollow screamed in distress and launched itself upwards, out of the reach of the teenager's weapon, black blood pouring down from its wound and covering Ichigo's hair.

"Nnnngh…" he grunted, wiping at some of the goo that was seeping into his eyes with his sleeve. "Fucking… Aaaaah!"

His string of expletives were cut off as his hips jerked again, harder this time, sending him face-first into the dirt.

"Are you possessed or have you just gone insane!" Rukia shouted at him, still alternately searching for rocks and tossing them at the shuddering Hollow.

More than irritated, it charged her this time, finding the annoying human girl a safer target than the boy-shinigami.

"Fucking idiot! Get away from here!" Ichigo yelled, forcing himself up to his knees and digging the zanpakutou into the ground so he could launch himself forward by virtue of his arm-muscle.

He managed to intercept the Hollow several yards before it was anywhere near Rukia, but found himself once again deadlocked under the pinning arms of his opponent.

"I'll destroy you, boy!" it shrieked in his face, teeth snapping.

Ichigo, a strange redness to his face, scowled at it, though his breathing was beginning to grow labored as the feelings he'd experienced earlier slowly began to intensify, making his legs and stomach feel weak.

Tired of being alternately ignored and ridiculed, Rukia marched up behind Ichigo, paying little attention to the combatants locked in the heat of deadly battle. "Ichigo, what the hell's the matter with you?" she demanded, poking him the shoulder.

"Fucking…will you stand back?" he demanded, sparking an annoyed look at her over her shoulder. "I'm _working_ for crying….aaaah….hahh….nngggh…"

She looked at him rather inquisitively. "Your face is all red…" she commented, before finally _listening_ to him and stepping back a bit.

"Hah…hah…must…aaaah…be…an allergic…reaction….nnnnn…to…the blood?" he offered sarcastically, feeling sweat trickle down his brow and down the back of his neck.

She crossed her arms, sarcasm completely lost. "I don't think that's it."

"That's….ahh… nice. GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HERE!" he demanded, momentarily overcoming whatever was ailing him so he could throw off the Hollow's arms again, managing to cut two of them off on the rebound.

It screamed and retreated momentarily, angrily mourning the loss of its forearms.

Still thoughtful and slightly more concerned than she was willing to let on, Rukia retreated farther back on the Hollow's renewed shrieking, towards the tree line of the park they were fighting in. "Could it be… maybe…"

In the background, "Naaaaah! Fucking…what the…ah…hah…DIE DAMN YOU!"

A moment later, realization hit her and she slammed her fist into her hand. "I think I know what it is!"

Finally sensing something useful coming out of his partner, Ichigo spared her a moment as he shoved himself upright again. "What is it then!" he barked, barely able to contain his pelvic twitching so as to be able to speak.

"You're experiencing some of the same sensations your physical body is at the moment!"

"The fuck!"

"Something is happening to your physical body that is evoking a strong enough reaction as to affect your spiritual self! But something that powerful…I don't know what…"

"FUCKING KON!" Ichigo exploded suddenly, not letting her finish. "I'm going to…ahh…I'm going to…hah…hah…fuck…fucking…KILL HIM!"

Seething, he (on decidedly wobbly legs), turned to face the Hollow that was stumbling around, unbalanced by its loss of forelimbs, and made his way over, muttering in a blind rage.

"I'm…fucking…ngggh….argggh! Shitty little…when I…mmmph…get…my hands…on…his…aaah… mmmmph!"

Filled with too much embarrassed anger to notice as the Hollow swiped at him and managed to make a sizeable slash in his shoulder, he hefted the zanpakutou and swung it savagely, arcing through the Hollow's neck and severing its head in a spray of gushing black oil. The force of the swing sent him spiraling around in a full circle before he was able to stop hismelf, and seconds later, his weapon clattered to the ground.

The Hollow's death cries were accompanied with Ichigo's red-faced "Nnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggh…" as the job was finally finished.

* * *

Kon sighed happily, staring at the birds and clouds as they passed by, vision clouded in a happy sort of blank daze, mind too far gone on whatever amazing chemicals that had been released into his brain during the last half hour of his explorations. The world was wonderful and glowy, and in perfect harmony… 

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING _KILL_ HIM!"

"Wait, Ichigo! I still don't understand! What did he _do_!"

"Will you just shut up for a second so I can _kill_ him?"

The MOD blinked at the sudden bombardment of sound on his ears, recognizing the more-angry-than-usual tones and the stomping footsteps that pounded rapidly in his direction as those belonging to his _wonderful_ hosts.

They sounded slightly dangerous, but he was in too good a mood to let it distress him.

The voices continued to grow nearer and nearer.

"Found him! The little _fuck_! He's going to DIE!"

"Ichigo, what did he…"

Rukia's question trailed off as she came near enough to study Ichigo's prostrate body lying there on the rooftop, breathing heavily but looking so damn pleased with itself that…

"…Oh." The former shinigami made a disgusted face. "I see."

Blushing even harder, Ichigo leaned down and grabbed Kon (himself) by the collar of his uniform, trying to remind himself that if he punched Kon right now he'd be the one with the black eye in the morning. Instead he opted for shaking the MOD rather violently, screaming, "What the hell were you thinking!" though it was rather un-inspiring considering how hard Ichigo was blushing as he did it. "I'm going to _kill_ you, you perverted little doll!"

Kon, still riding the waves of the big happy, simply gave Ichigo a thumbs-up as he was being shaken.

"Dude, human bodies are _AWESOME_."

**END**


End file.
